


I Lost the Kid

by ScarletPotter



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: A LOT of Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Civil War, Damn, Hurt Tony Stark, I Made Myself Cry, Mention of attempted suicide, Nebula & Tony Stark Friendship, ONLY TEARS, Past Stony, Peter Parker Is Dead, Stony - Freeform, Tears, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, and more tears, but its a little different, no happy endings here, steve abandoned tony and peter, steve rogers deserves it, this is probably the saddest thing i've ever written, tony stark goes off
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2020-07-23 05:00:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20002714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScarletPotter/pseuds/ScarletPotter
Summary: Peter watched torn as his heart broke with each punch thrown by his Papa’s hand. Tears bubbled in his innocent eyes, they weren’t a family anymore. And they wouldn’t ever be. Everyone looks at Peter and they immediately see Captain America. The criminal. That he’s just like him.Tony sighs as he marks another tick on the piece of paper Nebula had lent him. She didn’t have to, but she did. It had been 230 days. 230 painstaking, dizzying days. Since Peter Stark crumbled to ash in Tony’s hands. 230 days since his kid, the light of his life, the only good thing he had in his life was dead. Everytime he said that to himself in his head, he’d always end up spitting out the word “dead”. It was a nasty word that shouldn’t be used in the same sentence with one of life’s best things. His son.His son who deserved the best. And life threw him fucking boulders. He didn’t know what hurt more, the fact that his son saw him get brutally beat up by the man who he called Papa. The same man who told him for 1,307, almost for four years that he loved him. That he would never hurt him. That he’d rather die than harm a hair on their heads. Tony growled, well that was a fucking lie.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [parkrstark](https://archiveofourown.org/users/parkrstark/gifts).



> Hi! I dedicate this to parkrstark because it's past Stony/Superfamily (the superiorist ships). So basically, Tony Stark and Steve Rogers got together around 2011/2012 and when they found young Peter Parker on the streets they couldn't help but take him in. And over the years, they became a happy family. That is until 2016 rolls around and the events of Civil War unfold. Steve abandons his family for Bucky. I made slight edits to the original storyline, but please bear with me! Lots of angst promised!

It’s been about 8,030 days since Peter Stark-Rogers became Peter Stark. It’s been 8,030 days since Tony felt complete. It’s been 8,030 days since families have been torn, a team, a family, split. It’s been 8,030 days since Peter’s felt his Papa’s warm embrace. It’s been 8,030 days since Peter heard his Papa tell him that he loves him. It’s been 8,030 days since Peter watched in horror as his Papa’s best friend held him down as his Papa nearly killed his Dad. Yet it feels like just yesterday Peter tried to help his Dad, stop his Papa from hurting Tony. They were a family! Papa promised never to hurt him and Tony. 

It’s been a rough 8,030 days for Tony and Peter. Tony lives with the haunting memories of his husband, his partner who made his vows to never hurt him, to live together till death do us part. Tony lives with the scarring memories of a happy family, and now, a broken one. People still look at him, and see the criminal Captain America. That the Avengers can’t be trusted. That he’ll betray them too. That they’ll come of his son. As if he hasn’t been hurt enough. Peter Stark, as he now goes by used to be Peter Parker, but his parents abandoned him during Loki’s invasion, leaving the tiny, defenseless eleven-year-old on the streets to die. It had been one year since Stark became Stark-Rogers and the two Avengers fell in love with him and gave him a home to call his own. 

Peter lived with his own (note I wrote lives for Tony and lived with Peter) scarring memories. Happy memories of his parents together, being happy as a family. All the times Papa made him feel happy, all for it be confusing. Did he really love him? They say you shouldn’t let one thing get in the way of a good relationship, but Peter can’t forgive Steve for hurting him, hurting his Dad. Steve was going to kill Tony. He told Tony that if he didn’t stop fighting, he’d hurt Peter. His own son. 

Peter watched torn as his heart broke with each punch thrown by his Papa’s hand. Tears bubbled in his innocent eyes, they weren’t a family anymore. And they wouldn’t ever be. Everyone looks at Peter and they immediately see Captain America. The criminal. That he’s just like him. It takes everything within Peter not to scream at them, curse at them that he could never, would never be anything like that piece of filth. 

Tony sighs as he marks another tick on the piece of paper Nebula had lent him. She didn’t have to, but she did. It had been 230 days. 230 painstaking, dizzying days. Since Peter Stark crumbled to ash in Tony’s hands. 230 days since his kid, the light of his life, the only good thing he had in his life was dead. Everytime he said that to himself in his head, he’d always end up spitting out the word “dead”. It was a nasty word that shouldn’t be used in the same sentence with one of life’s best things. His son. 

His son who deserved the best. And life threw him  _ fucking _ boulders. He didn’t know what hurt more, the fact that his son watched him get brutally beat up by the man who he called Papa. The same man who told him for 1,307, almost for four years that he loved him. That he would never hurt him. That he’d rather die than harm a hair on their heads. Tony growled, well that was a fucking lie. 

Tony squinted against the rickety chair at the glowing lights. He might have been hallucinating from sleep deprivation and hasn’t had water or food in the past 216 days which either means that there is a glowing woman in front of them who is taking them to Earth, or he’s about to die. Tony groans, if it is the latter one, at least he’ll be with Peter again. 

When they land, Tony finds that his feet won’t support his weight. Nebula understands and waves his apology off. She’s never had a real friend before, even if it was under such dire circumstances. The first thing Tony sees is  _ him. _ With his perfect golden hair and clean face, as if he had just shaven. Tony wants to scream at him, punch him, make a scene but he feels like he’s going to pass out if he speaks any louder than a whisper. 

Steve who must have forgotten the pain he caused to his family or this isn’t Steve runs to steady Tony who can’t help but flinch in his grip. Nebula sends Steve a cold look, she shared Tony her story, who in turn shared his. Steve nods, as if he understands the former assassin’s threat to end him if he does something wrong. He does. 

Steve sighs softly, breath taking the shape of a cloud in the cold breeze. It’s not usually cold in May, but after Thanos’s snap, nothing has been the same. Steve looks over him as if there’s someone else in the jet, just maybe a teenage boy with chocolate doe eyes. Tony heaves, “The kid. I lost him.” 

Steve looks at Tony with anything but anger or hate. It’s not his fault. If anything, it’s his. 

Steve dips his head down, “Tony, I’m so sorry.”

It takes everything within Tony to not scream at him, that he isn’t sorry. Not in the slightest bit. 

As much as Tony wanted to collapse and hide into dark depths of darkness, seeing Steve Rogers, the man who broke his family, his heart, his son’s heart in half made his oxygen-deprived blood boil. 

And when Steve said in a tone that was meant to be sympathetic but it wasn’t, “I’m so sorry Tony” everything inside the Stark shut down. 

His body was swaying, and he was sure he was imagining that Natasha, the most iconic red-head was a blonde as he shook his head speaking in a dangerously low whisper, “No, you’re _not_.”

Steve’s head turned sharply, and everyone went quiet, including the new girl who saved his ass. All eyes were on him. But he could care less. He was used to the spotlight, and he hated it. But this time, being in the spotlight would be what made his voice heard. 

Tony jabbed a finger towards Steve’s clean, shaven face, “No, you’re not.” 

His voice slightly rose, “Don’t you ever pretend, for a _damn second_ that you cared!” Steve felt an ache in his heart as he tried to calm his former husband down, “Tony, please, calm down. You need medical.” 

Tony laughed and everyone couldn’t help but cringe. Tony chuckled, “Really Steve? _I_ need to calm down? I for one, have been very calm. I haven’t killed anyone yet. I haven’t told you exactly what you did to your family.” 

He was now facing everyone with pained expressions mirroring Steve’s. Except Rhodey’s. Tony spoke letting all the emotions, all the anger, all the  _ hate _ spew out of him when he said, “I don’t know how many of you actually read the  _ whole _ goddamn Accords. Signing wouldn’t negate any powers or leverage. Signing, would mean that you were open to _negotiating_!” He stood at his tallest, despite the aching protest of his spine, “But no! Steve hears something he doesn’t like, it’s an automatic shut down! It’s not even an ‘I’ll read the whole thing and see exactly what it is first’!”

Steve has a crumbled expression as Tony goes on. Rhodey takes his arm, telling him gently to stop. Tony shakes his head, he’s just getting started. Why should he stop? He hasn’t done anything wrong. If anything, all these people in front of him, hurt him. He continues, “And then we all fought in Germany! Because you wouldn’t listen!” He whips to Natasha who braces herself for yelling and screaming along the lines of how she screwed up. 

Tony speaks in a whisper which hurts _so much more_ than a scream, “You. I knew that you were a spy and nothing,  _ nothing _ about you was real. But you saved my life. You didn’t have to. I found a friend, a worth in you. And over the years, I grew to trust you.  _ You were my friend. _ ” Natasha meets Tony’s eyes because it’s the least she owes him as he finishes, “I  _ trusted  _ you. I didn’t ask you to arrest Clint, or Wanda or any of them. I only asked that you helped bring Barnes in.” He was up in her face now, “I had a feeling that in my gut, you didn’t agree with the Accords. But I told myself, it’s Natasha, she has my back. I was  _ wrong _ . Did you know too? That Cap’s old war buddy, killed my parents?”

Natasha’s eyes fall to the floor and Rhodey stops trying to calm Tony down. 

He’s back in Steve’s face as he speaks in a broken tone, “Do they know about Siberia?” Everyone else but Steve has a confused expression on their faces. Tony shakes his head looking at Steve with pure  _ hatred _ . 

Tony scoffs, “Of course he didn’t. Tell them Steve, how you fought your own damn kid! Your child! When he found out that you were leaving us for Barnes, he started crying. After the fight, he locked himself away!” Tears stroll down Tony’s grime-filled cheeks, “The most happiest kid in the world, the most purest kid in the world went quiet. The light that always shone in his eyes? They were gone!”

Tony continues, “I found out that Baron Zemo was the one behind all of this, mostly on Barnes. So I went to make things  _ right _ . Peter was there too. He insisted on seeing you even though you broke his heart in half! Imagine finding out that every time I said that my parents died in a car crash, because Howard didn’t care about a damn thing, to the point where he who could never make a mistake crashed a car and killed my mother wasn’t true! All that resentment for Howard wasn’t deserved for that reason! And he knew all this time!”

He’s shrieking now, “HE KNEW ALL THIS TIME! For years he stood by, claiming to always be loyal and to tell the truth and the most important thing in my life, he kept it a lie!” And the most sensible reaction would be to get upset. I hit Barnes, and he, Steven I’m-perfect Rogers began to beat me up. Oh wait, he didn’t choose just to beat me up, but he ordered Barnes to restrain and hurt his son too!”

More tears pour down Tony’s face as he rants, telling everyone what happened, “I gave up! I stopped fighting! Because according to FRIDAY, he was one punch away from death! Do you not remember his cries, his weak protests for you to stop hurting me? To stop hurting  _ him?” _

All eyes were on Steve who nodded speaking tightly, “Yes Tony, I remember.” 

Tony spat, “And you did nothing! You stood there unfazed as the same child who begged you to cuddle with him whenever he had nightmares to stop hurting him. You almost killed him, Steve. You almost killed me.”

His voice died down and then rose back up, “You didn’t care about the son you helped grow up, or the husband who worked so hard to save our marriage. You didn’t care that your teenage son wouldn’t have a Papa to hold him, to love him, or to be there for him. You stopped caring when Barnes beat the shit out of him. You stopped caring about me the very second you jammed your shield, the very shield that  _ my _ father made into my arc knowing damn well that you could’ve killed me! BUT YOU DIDN’T CARE!”

Tony is seething so hard that his entire body is shaking from something else but the cold breeze. He pointed his finger again, this time mere millimeters from Steve’s face, “You didn’t care when your son, cried that his Papa never loved him. You didn’t care to think that he would be so upset at himself because he wasn’t worthy enough for his Papa that he nearly tried to _kill himself_! You didn’t care when Thaddeus Ross painted targets on mine and your son’s back! You didn’t care! _None_ of you gave a damn!”

As weak as his body was, his voice was as threatening as if he were dealing with criminals, “So, don’t you  _ ever _ say that you cared. Because you didn’t. But don’t worry about it Steven, because Peter,  _ is dead. _ If anything, I hope you’re happy.”

Tony paused, “If you hadn’t left with all your friends, we could have beaten him. Wanda, Sam, Peter, all of them would have been  _ fucking _ okay! I told all of you, that up there, it’s the  _ Endgame _ ! But why ever listen to Tony? What does he know?  _ Fuck _ you all. What we need is her, new blood because none of you people except for Rhodey and Pepper cared! Have a nice life because it’s over! The Avengers lost. All because of  _ you _ Steven!”

He sucked in a breath, finally getting the past three years off his chest. He didn’t care anymore. Everyone he loved was gone. He could finally be with Peter. All eyes were on him and he didn’t give a damn. He could rest easy now. So he closed his eyes, and let himself pass out. 


	2. Guilt's trial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve feels the weight of his mistakes. --I just realized I posted the same chapter again, and I'm so sorry. Here is the correct chapter 2! I'm terribly sorry, I didn't realize this, a user commented this and I would like to thank him/her for that!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized I uploaded the wrong chapter so here is the correct chapter two!

Steve watched in horror as a careless smile crawled upon Tony’s trembling features as he told him and Natasha off. Steve could only dip his head down when Tony brought up Siberia. Steve felt the horrified stares of everyone as Tony described how Steve beat up him, and his son Peter, the most innocent, kind, and loving person he knew. 

Steve felt like throwing up when Tony said that after he had ordered Bucky to beat himself senseless, his son tried to kill himself. He wanted to apologize, but what good would that do now?

And Steve couldn’t help the shame and worry as Tony told him that he should be happy now that he didn’t have to worry about his family, the family that he abandoned because he was too hot-headed to be reasonable. 

But when Tony collapsed onto the floor, he couldn’t help but feel worried as Carol and Rhodey rushed him to the medbay. 

Steve sat down isolating himself from everyone else. What had he done?

It was enough to live with the guilt, the guilt that seemed to disappear as Steve watched Bucky’s progression, but when Tony spat everything at him, he couldn’t help but feel like a bad person. He really was for doing all those things. 

_ Flashback: _

_ A seven-year-old Peter waddled up to Steve, red and blue blanket clutched in one hand with a firm grip and the other hand on the doorknob. Tony was out for a mission with Natasha and Clint, something about another damn HYDRA base. Steve woke up in the middle of the night to heavy sniffling that could only be one person and had one of those father switches. He woke up to see a tiny Peter at the side of his bed with tears trailing down his face and one hand having a death grip on his blankie which seemed to go everywhere he went.  _

_ Steve smiled softly as he scooped up the trembling boy and placed him on the bed next to him. Steve softly stroked Peter’s curls, something he quickly learned always seemed to calm him down, “What’s wrong bud?” Peter replied in a crying tone, “Nightmares. You and Dad got hurt. Never came back. Left me alone.” Steve nodded understandingly, pulling the toddler close to his chest. “Oh, buddy.”  _

_ He softly stroked Peter’s back, “Bud, it’s okay. It was just a bad dream. See? I’m okay bud. And so is Dad. You just spoke to Dad before you ate dinner remember? He’s fine. You can speak to him again in the morning. Papa’s right here buddy. Now shut your eyes, honey. Papa’s going to keep you safe. You just close your eyes okay?” Peter nodded, wrapping his small skinny arms around Steve’s chest as he fell back asleep.  _

Steve felt a burning sensation prick his eyes as tears formed, god, he really messed up. He would admit, were it not for Peter’s death, he might not have been feeling this way. After all, you only miss a song when it starts to slow. 

_ Flashback: _

_ Every child, at least according to Steve had this uncharacteristically aggressive hate and fear towards thin sharp objects, specifically needles. And Peter was no exception. Usually, the bright and chatty kid would be talking his ears off during the car, but this time, as Natasha would put it, he was being uncharacteristically non-hyperbal.  _

_ Steve could feel the anxiety of the ten-year-old radiating off him. Usually, this was Tony’s thing, taking him to the doctor, but after a particularly rough mission, Steve offered to take him instead. But anxiety was still anxiety. _

God, Steve quickly swallowed, Peter’s anxiety. How many attacks has he had? Let alone, how many attacks were about him?

_ Steve spoke trying to calm the boy’s jittery nerves, “Peter, buddy, you okay?”  _

_ Peter mumbled as he picked his sleeves, both things he only does whenever he gets nervous, “Just don’t like shots.” _

_ Steve nodded, remembering his childhood. His messy childhood which most nights had him back in a bed with some sort of injury. But his scrawny size didn’t deter him, if anything it always encouraged him, to fight for the little guy. Cause he was the little guy himself.  _

_ Steve replied, “That’s okay bud. You want to hear a secret?” He held back a chuckle at how quickly Peter’s head rose, because the great Captain America having a secret?!  _

_ “I used to be scared of shots too. I still am.” _

_ Peter looked mind blown at the fact that his Papa, who also happened to be Captain America was scared of needles too.  _

_ Peter nodded, throat tightening as he swallowed as Steve drove off the highway to the exit that lead to the hospital.  _

_ Inside, Peter grabbed Steve’s hand, playing with his fingers as he waited, impatient, but at the same time praying that some sort of mass invasion would interfere with Captain America and then he wouldn’t have to get a shot. But when has fate ever been on Peter’s side? _

_ After moments that felt like split seconds and hours at the same time a nurse with a kind expression painted on her mocha-colored skin called out, “Peter Parker?” (Fake names for safety, which obviously ends up a waste a few years later.) Steve nodded, getting up, holding Peter’s hand as they followed the nurse into a room.  _

_ Those few minutes while the two waited for the doctor, Peter felt sick and he could practically hear his heartbeat. Steve picked up the boy, caressing him softly, planting a kiss on his forehead, “It’s okay buddy. I need you to breathe, that’s super easy right?” Take a breath, but hold it in for four seconds alright?” Peter nodded, complying by taking in a deep breath and holding it on for four counts and then slowly exhaled it out.  _

_ Steve nodded with a kind smile, “That’s my boy.” _

_ And when the doctor came in with the super sharp and scary needle, it took everything within the tiny seven-year-old not to scream. Steve, taking note of this kept his strong arms enveloped around Peter, making him feel warm and safe all at the same time.  _

_ He tucked Peter’s head in the crook of his neck as the doctor administered the shot, wiping the stray tears off the boy’s face.  _

_ Afterwards, Steve had taken the two of them for ice cream, despite the fact that it was a cold winter day. Cause it was ice cream, y’ know? _

Steve felt his heart sink, collapse and break over and over as similar memories came pouring into his mind. God, he had loved that kid. 

He could have only imagined how Peter felt during their last encounter in Siberia. Tears sprang in his eyes as he realized just how wrong, how  _ messed up _ he was. 

_ He and Bucky carefully crept through the Siberian base with only one mission in their minds: stop the Winter Soldiers.  _

_ What he didn’t expect was for his husband and kid to reveal themselves to, offering a truce. He hadn’t realized it until now but all of his attempts to meet Peter’s eyes failed as he kept them downcast to the floor.  _

_ The truce has lasted a good amount of time, but both parties wished it had lasted longer. Zemo had pulled up the one thing that would make Tony go out of control, showing how his parents really died that fateful night. _

_ And Tony, he lost it. And the fact that his husband of so long knew and never deemed it important to tell him wasn’t only offensive to him, but to Howard as well. And for Tony, hiding a secret so dishonorable even against the man that had given him the chance that he has today was disgusting. And what other secrets was God’s righteous man hiding? _

_ And when he struck Bucky, Steve lost himself in that moment, charging at his husband, pummeling him with punch after punch, paying no heed to the fact that their son was helplessly watching.  _

_ And then when their son tried to break up the fight, and stop the madness before someone got seriously hurt, he had ordered Bucky to restrain him by any means necessary. _

_ He was ordering punches and kicks to the same kid who he’d hug whenever he was scared. The same kid who always came running to them whenever he had nightmares. The same kid who taught him what it meant to be a good person. _

And where did that get him now?

Peter, was dead. 

Tony, hated his guts and probably would forever. 

And Steve, was all alone. 

  
  
  



End file.
